SOS: Apple, wetin sef, wetin?

NO, NO, NO! I can’t do this anymore! My heart is at stake!!!

Life shouldn’t be this hard. I’ve decided to finally let this out…Really, I can’t do this anymore!

2 weeks ago, I was involved in a heated argument about Nigeria (Yes, I still never learn). I aimed to bang the table, you know, to vent my vexation, but unknown to me, my iPhone earpiece was in the line of impact between my palm and pákó.

Bam! And that was it, au revoir to my earpiece.

Knowing how relatively expensive the iPhone earpiece is, my patriotic vexation vaporized in an instant and got replaced with pecuniary sorrow.

“Sayo, ibo lo máa ti r’ówó hiapiss tuntun míì báàyí?”
[Sayo, where are you going to get money to get a new earpiece like this?]
, I mused.

But because of my helpless marriage to music, I bucked and coughed out a whooping ₦12,000 to buy another one.

[Why are you looking at me like that? Why? Abeg, 12k is very very whooping in this Coloma Vilus era for mèkúnù like us o….forget]

However, all of this above is not even the gist.

This morning, I noticed I couldn’t lay my hands on this new earpiece I just bought. I searched everywhere in the house. I nor see am.

Enter my dear heart – It started racing. It started beating….audibly.

I searched again. Ransacked even. Still, I nor see am.

Ah!”, my whole body screamed, and my heart? “Gbim Gbim Gbim“. No jokes.

I gave up, and sadly resorted to a musicless fate. Very sadly. ‘Cos, I was sure I wasn’t going to thrift another 12k on earpiece. Like, how???

Then, 30 minutes ago, about to go out. I opened the car, and there it was, sprawling on the vehicle mat like a white fallen snake….I almost shed two drops of tears as I paused and stared at it, stung with the ambivalence of relief and torture.

That point was when I knew I couldn’t take it anymore. I was almost literally talking to it, no, shouting at it.

Do you know what I just went through? Do you know what my heart just went through for you, you this thing????

I didn’t stop there, as my soul went like:

“Apple, wetin! Wetin sef???”
“Only you, earpiece expensive”
“Only you, we go dey pay for everything”
“Only you, we nor fit exchange files easily with other operating systems”
“Only you, we go dey subscribe for everything MONTHLY! Including common music streaming”
“Only you, just wahalaciously expensive!”

I love their devices no doubt, but my heart ooooo. I can’t be shaking like a moribund Volkswagen ìjàpá and getting on the verge of ‘Pondei-ing‘ everytime any of their parts or accessories get missing or damaged.

So, help me. I hear there are good Android phones out there. Oya, recommend. Or better, someone should just vex and gift me one.


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